Limiting beliefs…What are they and how can you deal with them once and for all?
Welcome back to another edition of Mindset Monday. last week we talked about how to not be attached to the outcome. Future episodes will include how to be your best self, how to build your brand, idteify you POV and much much more!
Who knows I might even break out a little “Think and Grow Rich” on you.
But this post is all about Liming Beliefs. In fact I’ve wanted to bring this issue up for some time. One of the biggest and most challenging things I’ve ever worked on in my business has been ME. I’m a recovering limiting belief participant. The whole thing about not being worthy, can’t do it, not smart enough, can’t talk to people…yep, right here baby!
I used to joke that I could not lead you in silent prayer if we were the only two people int he room. You can read that again of you didn’t catch it the first time. And you may think “That’s just because you were shy.” True…but it’s more than that. Lets just say I had a challenging childhood. But here’s the kicker.
I knew two things that saved me and allowed me to grow.
1. There were others who had it worse than I did.
2. I had a dream of something more…something better for my life.
I’ll tell you more about that after this video..
A different take on how to handle limiting beliefs? I know some people would say to kick em to the curb. But when you do that they seem to creep back into your life don’t they?
You absolutely should handle them, but it’s how you go about it that makes the difference.
The Not-So Secret Dangers of Limiting Beliefs
I’m not about to leave you hanging here with the end result in mind of how to handle limiting beliefs. I also want to empower you as to why these issues need to be addressed in the first place.
See the image above? I need to give props to the owner of ‘How To Live Happily’. You can read his entire post on Limiting Beliefs there as well. Now lets dissect that image real quick.
Warning…this gets a little personal.
Painful Experiences
I mentioned I had a challenging childhood right? Now I don’t blame anyone for the way I was raised as some people were influenced by others and well “it is what it is.” But I can clearly see the effects of physical and verbal abuse. I can also tell you that how I raise my kids in a more healthy positive environment is the ONLY WAY kids should be raised.
With that being said thought, there have been several times in my life where I learned the hard way and have had to suffer the consequences. And as much as I love my kids I do allow them to make their own mistakes occasionally. As long as we can learn from them quickly we can guide ourselves not to repeat them. Most of them anyway.
It’s these painful experiences that normally cause people to error on the side of caution the next time around. That can be good and bad at the same time. We learn not to do certain things so we can be safe. But sometimes we limit ourselves by being safe.
What if we can empower ourselves to learn from these painful experiences instead of retreating.
Failing forward instead of doubting ourselves?
Limiting Beliefs
Doubting leads to fear and fear leads to hate and hate leads to anger… A “little Jedi” humor.
When I was a kid I was scolded and punished for things. Some of it was my fault while others were not. I was constantly double checking myself and always cautious of my surroundings. I only realized later that it was like walking on egg shells. Because of this
I never wanted to have any one over. I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on at home.
I can only remember having a couple of birthday parties by the time I was 18 because I would always say no I didn’t want to have one. My self esteem was pretty low. My grades kinda sucked, and I never did that well in sports.
But I always knew that there were others who had it tougher than I did and I had a dream for something better.
I’m sparing some of the more rougher details. But I share this only to draw attention to how we treat others and how such a little thing as put downs vs build ups affect people.
limiting beliefs can so easily be passed on to others weather you realize it or not. This is why empowering others is such a hot button of mine.
“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who
has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who
looks for the best in people. Leave people better
than you found them.” – Marvin J. Ashton
Fear Based Choices
I remember clearly 4 separate events where fight vs flight kicked in because of fear based choices. One of them turned out to be the best choice of all. But none of these were pleasant by any means.
But we make them.
We live with them.
I remember getting caught in a lie trying to save my butt, but realizing that it was to late. Often times these would spiral out of control. I choice the wrong path out of fear. A few times it was self preservation, but most of the time it was stupidity. What do kids know anyway right?
Actually you’d be surprised. or at least I was when I started having kids. How many choices have you made out of fear? I know there is a healthy fear and then there is a frightening fear.
Limiting Beliefs Recovery Plan
Can we change this cycle?
Do we dare?
What if we take hold of these limiting beliefs and actually address them? Like in the video. We don’t ignore them. We don’t dismiss them. We simply understand that they are there. We don’t give them any more energy than to say…
What is the worst that can happen?
What would happen if we started taking the action we’re afraid of?
Think about this…
You’re building a business and you need to contact a few people. The instant you started thinking of someone you hear that voice that says “They wouldn’t be interested.”
The very next second you pick up the phone and call them. Just to have a quick conversation. No warm up. No second guessing. No intention of pitching. Just a quick call to connect.
What would happen if you started to react to the positive impulses as counter measures to these limiting beliefs?
You already know what would happen. I’ll leave you with this. You don’t need to suppress these issues, but to embrace them.
What’s the worst that can happen?
Ken Pickard
The Network Dad
Be bold and leave a comment for the community. Tell us how you have handled limiting beliefs.
Hey Ken!
“What’s the worst that can happen?” I ask myself that question a LOT when I realize I’m holding myself back because of fear. Inevitably, I get to the root of the fear by going further and further down the rabbit hole!
“Doubting leads to fear and fear leads to hate and hate leads to anger…” << I'm sharing this all over the place because I don't think people realize the chain here and I think if we nip doubt or fear in the bud, then maybe hate and anger won't rear their ugly heads!
Thanks for sharing your personal experiences with us and I'm glad you hit that enter button.
~Kesha
Kesha Brown recently posted..UPV 001: 10 Ways to Make a Dent in Your Universe
Kesha,
Thanks for stopping by and welcome to my blog. The post did take an interesting turn and I’m actually glad it did.
Fear and doubt grip the best of us, but when we recognize it is for what it is…a natural reaction for self preservation, we can address it. And when we correct it, with personal development and growth, then we can actually limit these thoughts. We don’t have to be afraid of them, we can be empowered by them.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the quote. I also love your concept of going deeper down the rabbit hole. Sounds like there’s a story there. What is one of your biggest challenges that you have over come?
Ken
You know there’s a story right! Most recently, I had to hurry up and hit the “go” button like you have done here with my podcast I just launched.
Honestly, it took me a couple of months to really get it going – because of fear! After the excuses, reasons, and asking myself ‘why, why, why am I afraid’, it boiled down to acceptance.
So I took some time to deal with that and gave myself my own advice that I give others. I then asked the infamous question: what’s the worst that can happen?” Then I made sure to have a plan for that.
Now that I’ve posted my first show, I know I have nothing to be afraid of (isn’t that usually how it works!?!). As long as I do what I know I need to, it’ll be fine (and if it’s not, at least I did it and know what to do better/different next time!).
Kesha Brown recently posted..The Difference Between Geeks and Nerds…Explained! (Infographic)
Hi Ken,
this is quite an impressive post. In my mind I believe that all these confidence problems come from childhood, but sometimes I do wonder what other things influence how we perceive ourselves. Also, many limitations come from false beliefs about the world and ourselves as you have pointed out.
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Hello Ken,
Wow, a post right up my alley here!
Lots of your childhood sounds like mine except that most of my troubles came from School.
I think like you that we should not ignore the issues that led to our limited beliefs, but rather define them, dissect them, come to an understanding of it all and move on.
The whole human kind is suffering from limited belief, at least we were fortunate enough to have grown up in a culture where individual thinking is allowed and oh gosh, sometimes even encourraged.
Thanks you for this post, Ken. Right now I can’t be listening to the video but I’ll get back to it later.
Sylviane Nuccio recently posted..What Is Your Job And What Isn’t When It Comes To Manifest What You Want
Hey Ken,
I use to have them too and it’s good to know that you did as well.
I took a course last year by Miss Katie Freiling and she shared with us as well “what’s the worst thing that could happen”! You’re definitely not going to die or be in any horrible pain like you had your leg cut off so everything else is just in our own mind. Sure, it’s very real to us and we do go through some extremely uncomfortable things but the truth of the matter is we have to get through those if we really want to have what we want.
I just know that like you said, there are people out there that don’t know as much as we know or had it worse. We have to realize that whatever you’re sharing we’ll help those people.
It’s not an easy thing to do but it’s doable. I think every person just has to ask themselves how bad to they want this. If it’s bad enough they’ll do it anyway.
Great post Ken…
~Adrienne
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Hi Ken,
I enjoyed your video so much…wow you are becoming “the master video guy” these days lol
Limiting believes? Phew….it took me 40 hours of training how to recognize them, stop that thought IMMEDIATELY, and go on with my “wise mind”
I took the time out to get myself into this program because I thought I was doing well….Until….I became sick with depression. Yep! Me. But I turned it around to my benefit. I got help and to make a long story short, my depression issues a while ago have gone away.
This is the extreme version of limiting beliefs, but I do share this with people because depression or anxiety problems are something most folks don’t want to share it with others. I do because those limiting beliefs can hold a person back. It can take control not only of their minds but of their actions.
If it is really bad, they can get depressed. So it doesn’t matter what that critic in your mind says to you that holds you back. You need to put that thought in the corner and move on.
I suggest that anyone coming to this post click this video on a few times. It WILL change your mindset!
Thanks Ken
Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted..The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award
Hi Ken,
Very interesting post. I have been one of those people who have had painful experiences and started to react in a different manner because of those experiences. I am not talking about a bad childhood or anything, but I just thought that I sort of had control of what happened if I did this and what happened if I did that. And so I stopped doing what I should have been doing just because I didn’t think I would make it anyway.
But, after reading “the last lecture” (you’ve probably heard about the book) I started thinking in a completely different way, and like you said what’s the worst thing that can happen. To me, it’s now all about having fun and doing what I love doing (and spending as much time as possible with my family).
Great post and it made me think.
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Hey Ken,
This post is awesome. I never would’ve guessed that you were in the limiting beliefs club. You’ve definitely come a long way from the person you described in the beginning of this piece.
I think that this message is hitting me at a really great time, too (thanks LOA!!!). I had a bit of an experience with this myself that helped me get out of my own stinkin-thinkin last night…hmmm, guess this is going to go into a new blog post.
It’s what we do with what we are working with that makes all the difference! Love the insight, Ken! Thanks for leading the way!
Cat
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Hi Ken
Such a great video and post.
I do not think there is anyone I know who has not had to overcome limiting beliefs at some stage.
I am a naturally optimistic person but after several business setbacks some years back I found myself becoming increasingly questioning of myself. I have always been able to find someone or some tools to help me get through it.
When I came online a couple of years ago I had a whole new series of limiting beliefs come up. “I was not technical and I was too old to learn” bla bla bla.
I usually find evidence that someone else has learned what I need to learn and achieved success. I find that helps me.
Thanks Ken
Sue
Sue Price recently posted..The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award
Hi Ken
I loved the Jedi humour.
You’ve really made me stop and think about limiting beliefs.
My childhood was not straightforward either. Not physical or verbal abuse but more having someone in my life who worries a lot (and I mean a lot!). It made me become a worrier too…
And do you know what my symptoms of worrying are? Doubting and being indecisive. There’s been a couple of instances where I’ve not followed a certain path in my life because of it.
But I’m really concious of it now I have kids and try and focus on positive encouragement with them. Don’t get me wrong they can be pains in the ass too but I’m in full agreement with you, it is the only way kids should be raised.
I’m still holding back a little at the moment in terms of reaching out to other people beyond engaging through blog comments. Not only because I’m a stay at home dad and I feel like I need to concentrate on the kids but also because of that nagging doubt you mentioned about connecting with others, “they wouldn’t be interested”.
So, less of the worrier and more of the warrior needs to get out I think!
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Tim
Tim Bonner recently posted..nRelate – Plugins For Content Optimization
“What’s the worst that can happen” is sort of my personal daily mantra! Most times there is no “worst”. And even if I can think of something that will go painfully wrong, it’s not so bad either
You’re amazing for taking what was a bad situation in your own life and turning it into something good AND passing that good along to your own children. Too many people get “limited” by their own pasts and can’t step outside. Awesome job and always an inspiration, Ken.
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Sounds a little like some of the things I learned in courses I took at Landmark Education!
Hi Ken, thought provoking post. Although I believe Fear and Limiting Beliefs are very different it’s interesting to see them linked this way and makes a lot of sense.
Both require a huge personal effort to overcome and sadly many never achieve that. By raising it in this very personal way you’ve given the reader the tools to start to handle both.
Kelvin Myles
Okay, Ken, here are a just a few brief responses… or whatever you want to call them.
First, when I read this statement my inner response was very, very positive. All the best to you, dad!
“I can also tell you that how I raise my kids in a more healthy positive environment is the ONLY WAY kids should be raised”
“I share this only to draw attention to how we treat others and how such a little thing as put downs vs build ups affect people.” Oh, wow, Ken… how true. We can see that in so very many people. Putting down instead of building up, criticizing instead of affirming… bad news. Thanks for sharing and influencing people to move in the opposite direction.
You can see after reading this why empowerment is such a “hot button” of yours as you call it. Thanks for sharing, Ken, and may you continue encouraging others and standing firm for the family.
Lee
P.S. You may like this I created some time ago:
May we lead in the strength of acquired wisdom, the security of trust, and the power of affirmation and hope as we do.© Lee Wise
Lee Wise recently posted..Dads For Dads In The Online Marketing World
Choices made out of fear abound. The sad part is that they compound, and what starts out as a tiny avoidance turns into pretty much a cell block.
Thanks for sharing your story and reminding everyone how our kids are affected. It broke my heart to read the sentence about walking on egg shells.
It’s all about taking that one tiny step forward against the tide of the limiting belief in question – before any thinking (or remembering of the related bad experience) can take place.
Excellent post.
Dee
Dee Ankary recently posted..Stuck For Ideas? Three Gold Mines For Product Inspiration
Hi Ken,
I think many people do not realize where their limiting believes come from. Maybe it was your mom who was over protecting and never let you cycle to school or study some high flying MBA. That voice “Are you sure you can do that, seems difficult” is something that many people have ringing in their ears. Not only direct family but the Daily News (not the programme
are often responsible for instilling these believes.
My view is that once you understand how these believes are cultivated it is much easier to break them.
Nik
Nik recently posted..I hate my job [infographic]
I agree with you on your last point. We must look into ourselves fully, weaknesses and all, to really understand why we do things. This should lead to having greater empathy for others too.
Elena Anne recently posted..Dark Under-Eye Circles
Hey Ken,
Limiting beliefs makes us do a lot of unwanted things and it also makes us not to do some actions that would help our situation.
I have had my share of limiting beliefs (I still do, in blogging and in real life).
We can’t completely eradicate limiting beliefs from our lives, so what do we do then? Use it for our good.
Most of these days, I try to take on these limiting beliefs as my motivation. Take for instance: I have had times in which a limiting belief about commenting kicked – what’s the use of commenting on other blogs? I am not getting much results. So, every time I get that belief, I go and comment more, use that as a motivation (I make myself believe that, if I don’t get the results I expect, it is either because I am not doing it enough or because I am not doing it in the right way).
It’s a great way to tackle those beliefs, not only will we able to tackle it, but we will also be able to get more things done by using the belief itself as a motivation.
Jeevan Jacob John recently posted..Facebook Interview Chat, Productivity Challenge and Podcasts!
It\’s very easy to respond to fear and not realise at the time that is what we are doing. Sometimes those fears are very deep seated and hard to identify. That isn\’t always because of denial but sometimes self preservation.Enjoy the journey.Mandy
Great post and some food for thought.We all have limiting beliefs and it can limit our ability to have success. I personally started listening to postive affiration messages at night while I sleep, because it is our sub-conscious that is telling us these lies that we have heard all our life like you’re no good, you’ll never make it in that business. So we need to change those negative thoughts into positive thoughts.
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Hi Ken…this is an interesting topic and something everyone can relate to.
Over the years, through many sales jobs I have asked myself the question of what is the worst that could happen, many times as a way to remind myself to go ahead and make a call or send an email.
I think it also helps to look at what happens if you don’t take action…usually the answer is nothing at all.
I especially like your reference to the positive impulses as counters to negative beliefs. It’s a good reminder that we need to listen to the good advice we have for ourselves which often gets drowned out by the fear.
Thanks for a thoughtful post Ken
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Hello Ken,
My beliefs is everything happens for a reason. Even worst incidents of our life happens for a reason. If we failed then there’s a reason, god wants us to try one more but this time with little more intelligence.
We can’t hold our self because we fear, I know the hardest person on planet to convince that “I can do it” is myself, but at least we can give a shot. If we succeed then its good. If we failed then try one time because real success comes from failure.
Thanks fro awesome post.
Tweeted it. 
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